


Take It Off

by catty_the_spy



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5 Things, Gen, M/M, Mpreg, gratuitous hat death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-18
Updated: 2011-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-08 02:59:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/756209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catty_the_spy/pseuds/catty_the_spy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock’s taste in hats is less than stellar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take It Off

**Author's Note:**

> Complete and utter nonsense. Written for the prompt:  
>  _Spock/Anyone_
> 
> _Anon has a thing for episodes where Spock wears at hat.  
>  So...any fanfic in which Spock wears a hat to hide those awesome ears of his - maybe a 5+1 thing - like, 5 times Spock had to hide his ears and, whatever: like one time he wore something to emphasize how awesomely pointy they were xD _

-5

The wool hat served a dual purpose – it hid the unusual shape of his ears from the villagers, and it protected them from the cold.

“Don’t suppose you’ve pushed a plow before,” Leonard said, leaning against the wooden fence that surrounded the edge of their property.

“I have not.”

Leonard sighed. “Damn.”

“The elders are convinced that I was a merchant,” Spock said. “It will not be surprising to them that neither of us are well versed in the art of farming.”

“Which would be fine if there were any other way for us to get food.” Leonard stretched and turned his back to the road. “Not like standing here will help us. Let’s s give it a shot; least we’ll have something to do ‘til the Enterprise finds us.”

 

-4

Nyota’s eyebrows shot up when she saw the fuzzy fuchsia…thing perched on the top of Spock’s head. “What _is_ that?”

“A hat. The Jibraxians cannot differentiate between Romulans and Vulcans.”

“Yes, but what happened to your old hat? The grey one?”

“It was misplaced when Leonard and I were beamed to safety. It was also unsanitary.”

Nyota frowned. “That’s the only hat you could find?”

“Yes.”

It was clear from her face that Nyota didn’t believe a word, but she didn’t say anything else about it until the diplomatic mission had ended.

 

-3

“What’s with the hat?” Leonard asked as they were marched to a cell.

“I thought it wise to avoid any undue attention.” Spock said.

“Hate to break it to you, Spock,” Leonard said, with false levity, “but a heavily pregnant man’s gonna attract attention no matter how many ridiculous hats you wear.”

“The admiralty did not believe your pregnancy would pose a problem.”

“The admiralty thought wrong.”

Their guards were kind enough to pause so Leonard could try and rub the kinks out of his back. They were unusually polite, these guards.

“And another thing,” Leonard said as they started to walk again. “Even if I wasn’t pregnant, you’d attract enough attention with that damn hat. It glows in the dark, Spock.”

“It is a very distinctive hat,” one of the guards cut in, politely. “It draws the eye.”

 

-2

“No,” Leonard said, before Spock managed to take more than a step out of the closet.

“I will require a head covering for this away mission,” Spock said.

“Take it off.”

“I do not have time to acquire another one; the hat I wore on the last mission was misplaced during our escape.”

“You’re not leaving this ship with that…orange-ish green tie-dye monstrosity on your head.”

They glared at each other, though Spock’s glare was less obvious than Leonard’s. Leonard crossed is arms. “Computer, seal exit.”

 

Ten minutes later, a more ruffled Spock entered transporter room three, wearing a simple black beanie.

Jim pouted. “I thought you were wearing the ug- the, uh, tie-dye one.”

Spock took his place on the transporter pad, hands clasped behind his back. “It met an untimely end; I was forced to use an alternative.”

Jim’s pout was overtaken by a smirk as he stepped onto the pad. “He’s pretty spry for a pregnant guy, huh?”

 

-1

Everyone stared as Spock made his way to sickbay. An ensign walked into a bulkhead. Two yeomen collided in a corridor. A rare plant specimen on its way to the botany lab slipped through a lieutenant’s slack fingers.

All activity in sickbay ground to a halt when Spock entered.

Christine reached out with hesitant hands. “Mr. Spock!”

Doctor M’benga pressed a shaking hand to his chest. “By Jove, I think he’s done it!”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I trust Doctor McCoy is in his office?”

They nodded, still wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

Spock stalked into Leonard’s office. “Doctor I…”

“Sweet mother of….!” Leonard jumped out of his chair.

“Is something wrong, doctor?”

“Your hat,” Leonard said, approaching slowly, as if Spock were a skittish animal he didn’t want to frighten off.

“I was forced to wear a head covering on this mission.”

“It’s _decent_!”

Spock took off the simple brown fedora and eyed it with renewed interest. “Should it not be? I was given to understand that this was a customary-”

Spock didn’t get to finish his sentence, but the impromptu office sex more than made up for it.

 

+1

 

The sleigh bell on Spock’s hat jingled every time he moved his head. It was irritating.

The only upside to Jim’s ploy was that Leonard was too amused by the hat to attempt to destroy it.

It was a very small upside.

“Smile, Spock,” Jim said. Jim’s hat was fuzzy but bell-free. “You’re Santa’s helper; you should look happy.”

“Vulcans do not smile.”

“I know for a fact they do. I don’t suppose you’d help me with this beard.”

Spock turned his head to raise his eyebrow at Jim. The bell jingled.

“Don’t you like the way it shows off your pointy ears?” Leonard said, sharing a smile with Jim.

“I can ‘show off’ my ‘pointy ears’ without the assistance of this hat.”

Leonard helped Jim fasten the white beard onto his face and stuff a pillow under his red and white coat. There had been an argument a few days prior, when Jim had suggested Leonard be Santa Claus, but any lingering hostility was well hidden.

When the costume had at last been deemed satisfactory, Jim clapped Spock on the shoulder. “Red and green suits you, Spock. You should wear it more often.”

Leonard cackled while Jim sped off down the corridor, ho-ho-ho-ing all the way.


End file.
